So 1 year ago I was pregnant with the McKenzie’s twins and Christmas was not the greatest because I was so tired. So I decided that we would go away for Christmas 2017 and chill. Go to a kid friendly place and let the kids just have a jol and us a relaxing time. So we asked around and decided on a place called Slanghoek Resort in Rawsonville.
Never being to Slanghoek, the website looked amazing and we booked from the 22nd – 27th December so we packed the Christmas tree and all the presents as the chalets look huge in the pictures and for almost R2000 a night per chalet, we thought we were in the winning and then we arrived….. 1.5hrs later in traffic with 3 kids.
The entrance of the place looks stunning… very green… natural springs or something but the chalets… the biggest ones they have are so small. No lounge… nothing. You walk straight into the kitchen with a table in the middle of it… I tried cooking the kids sausages for dinner and my butt kept knocking the chairs over. You have to walk sideways around the kitchen table and between the sink, fridge and stove as the kitchen is so small. Let me give you an idea. While we all sat around the table to eat, you couldn’t get passed each other at all if they were sitting on the chairs as there was no space. If you needed something from the fridge you just asked the person near it to get the juice as they would just stay sitting and turn in their chair and grab it from the fridge. I was sitting with my back to the sink and my mom wanted some water, I literally turned around and got her a glass from off the sink without getting off my chair.
The TV is above the fridge on the wall…oddly placed and serves no purpose except for maybe background noise because you would have to sit at the far end of the table on a hard chair to watch it and if the kids want to go into their bedroom you would need to move. One person at a time in the kitchen unless you are perfectly synced when moving so you don’t get stuck between the cupboard and table.
Luckily the kids had their own bathroom which is probably bigger than their room that has 3 very large single beds in them. Kaylee and Connor are fine but I had to fit in a cam cot in for Boetie… not happening. So he landed up at the bottom of our bed in our room in his cam cot.
The outside area that is probably about 1m wide was layered with sharp edge stones only before Boetie falls off some rocks into the lush green rocky garden. This ledge/stoep has 2 sets of home made stairs leading off it but are so over used that they are uneven, rocky and dodge.
The 2 pools that they brag about are about 4m apart from each other but divided by a big green pointy bush. Both are made with a natural rock look but over the years of usage have chipped and broken away…. Perfect for Boetie to slice a toe or bum when sliding into the pool. The one pool is so cold that you don’t need a boob job as they literally shrink back into your chest but it is the most “kid” friendly. The other warmer pool barely has stairs to get into with so you fall in and any child who can barely swim must stay to the sharp uneven rocky side and hold onto it in case. Thank goodness Kaylee and Connor can both swim and Boetie once in just bobs with wings ….
The flies, OH MY HAT, THE FLIES!!!! They are like little ninja assassins and come in the hundreds. Just making a poo on the toilet and you have flies running down your back down onto your bum. You could not set the table because the minute you put something down, there would be flies on your forks, your plates, on your glass where you drink from. While Shaun was braaing all I saw him do was wave his arms like he was having some sort of epileptic fit trying to shoo the flies from his bald head. He even had me checking to see if he has some basting sauce on his bald spot because he couldn’t understand why they kept landing on him.
The kids made friends immediately….. with children from Black heath and who’s favourite words is “Nai Man” in their wonderful accent that they are born in to…..
The other two friends were so Afrikaans that they roll their R’s and Connor face while trying to work out what they are saying because even though I speak Afrikaans to him, he is not used to the rolling of the R’s or slang/kombuis Afrikaans and my accent is not strong.
Of course the kids had a ball…. running around fetching sticks… swimming… playing on the resorts jungle gym RIGHT in front of our chalets… which was suppose to be our garden or so it looked like on the pics…. braaing with pappa etc….
We did this for the kids but this place is so fucking small we thought we would have to set up our Christmas tree at 4am on Christmas morning outside on our rocky stoep with their presents because there is NO place in the actual chalet… unless you put it on the kitchen table and then don’t mind it being set alight by the stove while I shuffle to cook breakfast.
Lesson learnt…. visit a place first… at almost R2k a night later… with my children’s vocab expanding with words of Nai Man and possibly some injuries from the terrain….and 1000 flies landing on you and your food….
Merry fucking Christmas. Let’s drink!
So Boetie says “Monkey Monkey” and we are like… yes sure…. and he runs off to go see the monkey and we play along…. true’s Bob… a fucking baboon and little “Wreck it Ralph” wants to go play with it.
Then it’s nap time and I am taking Boetie up the path from the pool to our chalet and what’s laying across the path… a snake… I screamed for Shaun to help… and he took a stick and flicked it back into the bushes… harmless mole or garden snake…. but snake no less… we also find warning signs of leopards… be careful of the leopards…. Sorry What??? We have to watch Boetie like a hawk before he sees one and wants to go play with the “kitty”.
Even tho no dogs allowed… I think the owner has their 2 dogs here. One is the size of a small horse and the other smaller but thinks it’s a lion so when they bark I grab a kid and run because they seem to be the watch dogs of the camp and take on the wild life with gusto.
I have to laugh at the different cultures of the camp. We seem to have inherited a child from somewhere. We have no clue where his parents are, where he sleeps or what his last name is but him and Connor seem to have hit it off quite well and they were locked up in the bedroom playing with Connors Christmas presents while Tracey is following Boetie around the resort (RESORT…pppfffttt whatever) keeping him alive.
I am amazed Tiereece parents have not come looking for him ONCE… I mean us white people are “mos” all safe and not dangerous at all (note the sarcasm) …. Connor knows to ask one of us every time he wants to go further than our eye sight otherwise there is hell to pay.
One thing tho is after this holiday… as much as what the kids have literally loved every minute of it, Connor will need some sort of “finishing” school for his pronunciation and accent that he has picked up from all his mixed culture friends…. I applaud my child for making friends with who ever wants to be his friend, I am not sure I am too proud of the many accents he has picked up though. However all in the fun of going on holiday.
On Christmas day we did a whole Christmas lunch with fillet, potato bake, roast veggies and pudding etc…. well it was like cooking for 100 ppl in a 2 x 2 room. Poor Shaun had about 30 flies bomb diving his “bless kop” while braaing the fillet. It was terrible.
Once done and we tried to eat the flies literally landed on our plates and food. We couldn’t set the table as it was full of flies.
Now picture 6 of us around a small table squeezed in this small kitchen and besides the kids, I am the smallest person!!!!🤣😳
Christmas lunch was like a Boswell Wilky Circus gone wrong and the kids were the wild animals screaming and crying as they wanted to swim and play with their friends and I was the trapeze artists trying to dish up over 6 ppl.
I feel like i have been on a secret set of survivor and the jokes on me.
We left a day early as we couldn’t take it anymore. As much as what we have always wanted to go camping with the kids, when you are not prepared mentally, emotionally “ready” for camping then its not fun in the end.
Next holiday…. Vic Falls…. God help them if it’s anything like this one. All in all its been an adventure… one for the blog…and memory book but definitely not on our list again unless biting insects, real wild life and living in a tiny squashed house is your thing.
Merry Christmas – we hope you all had a ball!
Over and out for now… till my next moan.